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If You’re Happy with Your Internet Connection, Skip this Post
Every day we go to the web and click-to-fill our shopping carts, iBoss our budding eBizzes, Google-snoop our curios, and tweet our twerpy favs. No matter what our content choice (the list is endless), or our device d'access (there's a new toy every day) we've all become hopelessly web-dependent.
We can't live without it and we want mo' of it.

We all agree the internet has revolutionized global communications and impacts nearly every aspect of our daily life, so, why isn't dependable, affordable, universal access a top priority in our nation of info-media junkies?
Why don't we have consistent quality internet connectivity?

Our government (slash) corporate conglomerate, shoulda made this a no-brainer to-do years ago. We shoulda sunk millions (no, billions) into creating a grid that can handle WHATEVER giga-ma-jig of cyber-junk we want, ANYTIME we want it, and WHEREVER th' hell we want to clickety-click it. But we didn't! Instead, poor quality internet access is this country's biggest tech embarrassment. According to the Organization of Economic Cooperation and Development, the US ranks 15th among tech-savvy nations in broadband penetration…15th! The average internet speed in Japan is 10 TIMES faster than in the US.
Today there are frustrated, web-hungry users all over the country composing simple emails offline to avoid disconnection while trying to send. Meanwhile, Tokyo tweens are downloading full-length feature films onto their smart phones as they wait for their Happy Meal to be bagged. That ain't right!

So, what happened to our priorities of progress? What has been our recent government-corporate media-tech focus? ... Oh, yeah, freakin' high-definition television! High-def TV has been pushed so that uncle Hank in Harkeyville can get a sharper look at the pixelated nipples of the Cowboys cheerleaders when they crank up the AC in the Jerry Dome during the season opener. Yeah, I have a bit of internal conflict over this issue. I enjoy on-screen titillation as much as the next guy, and I'm a real proponent of any medium's pursuit of quality. Anything that helps enhance the mass delivery of new concepts, information and entertainment can only be a plus. But, let's face it, 90% of television's content is crap; mindless filler processed to fit between commercials. What was once a powerful, dynamic, history-changing medium has degraded into a true opiate of the masses and the vanguard tool for the dumbing down of America. TV seduces us to covet the superficial, over-eat for entertainment, and measure our Xtended self-worth by the stuff we purchase. Do we really need all that destructive clutter more highly defined?

In spite of our constant bitching about capacity, speed and dependability, little has been done recently to improve internet access. Dial-up is a joke. DSL is sparsely available and has proven to be little more than glorified dial-up. Cable and satellite connectivity chain you to clunky appliances managed by companies who see internet access as a side business.
So, right now, our best web access bet seems to be wireless broadband, and 2 gi-normous carriers are leading the pack. Yep, internet connectivity has been left in the hands of...
Oh, dear God, help us... AT&T and Verizon.

Recently the 2 giants have stepped up the wireless broadband war. Verizon launched their red-dots vs. blue-dots map campaign to slam AT&T’s coverage. AT&T countered with a lawsuit claiming the ads were misleading. Apple joined the battle because AT&T is their iPhone's exclusive carrier. Verizon fought back by teaming up with Google Android and banishing the iPhone to the "Isle of Misfit Toys" for the holidays. AT&T bought Luke Wilson's career and the battle continues. "There's an App for That"... "There's a Map for That" … blah, blah, blah. Take it from someone who has been a Verizon and AT&T wireless customer... THEY BOTH SUCK!

As the mega-carriers aggressively pursue new customers and promote new product purchases, they continue to bill inflated service fees and push continuous pricey upgrades on their under-serviced and pissed-off existing customers. If you’re one of the millions of angry AT&T or Verizon wireless customers you never know from day to day if you’ll be allowed to manage your bank account online, do a simple Google search or even reply to an email. You make countless calls to “customer service” and get the same ol’ response: Tele-agents reading from a training manual, blaming your hardware or your software, and trying to make you feel tech-inept. They will not admit you’ve been sold a level of service they cannot provide.

After 6 months of complaining about the pitiful performance of my current service I was forwarded to a Verizon Broadband Field Technician. I thought, “Finally someone who will address the problem.” Fred, the technician, listened and seemed to be taking notes as I explained in detail the months of frustration I'd endured. He promised to “Get right on it.”
Two days later I received this voice mail message on my cell phone:
“Hello. This is Fred at Verizon Wireless. About your coverage area… we've looked at the whole area and the traffic history, and based on our information… the amount of traffic the tower has… which shrinks its coverage area… it's, uh, a marginal coverage area. Sorry for the bad news. G’bye.”
I called customer service again, relayed Fred’s message and asked,
“What the hell does THAT mean?”
“Well, sir, it sounds like your area has too much wireless traffic at certain times of the day.”
I had to admit that I can accurately discern when the local high schools let out every day by the immediate decline of bandwidth availability due to an up-spike in texting activity. But why does service suck at 6:30 on Sunday morning?
“So, how soon will Verizon be erecting a new tower in the area to handle this unanticipated surge in traffic?”
“There are no new construction plans for your area.”
“Then why is Verizon pushing new service sales in my area when you can’t deliver the service you sold to me last year?”
“Is there something else I can help you with today, sir?”

A Glimmer of (sorta) Good News:
Last year Congress approved $7.2 billion of “stimulus package” money to promote universal, affordable broadband access. The problem is... the bill requires matching state funds before the fed money is released, and most of our states’ operating budgets are stretched or busted already. So, where is that $7.2 billion? Why haven’t we seen any progress? Have the politicians and bankers figured out a way to gobble that up, too?

Uh oh, gotta go! “Jersey Shore” is on.
-Aré

Pork-Barrel Earmarks

It's a colorful catchphrase that's bandied about during election campaigns and it continues to make frequent political media appearances. Just what th' hell is a "pork-barrel earmark" and should we be concerned?

In the early 1800's the pork barrel was a pantry staple in most American homes. Dinner was determined by its contents and a barrel's lack of salted pork was a sure sign of a family's poverty. By mid-century the term "pork-barrel" somehow morphed into a negative metaphor for excessive government spending. Blusterous diatribes about the other guy's "pork" filled the halls of Congress and a pork-barrel label was slapped on any taxpayer funded program that profited only a special few. In 20th century Washington pork-barrel spending became "part of doin' business." Now it's common practice for beltway boodlers to hand out rashers of biased bacon with little regard for merit or ethics.

The term "earmark" once meant a tag punched into the ear flap of a slaughterhouse bound porker. Now it serves as a tag for those pork-barrel schemes that feed big tax bucks directly to a Congressman's pet projects. So, as it turns out, those pretentious finger-pointers got one thing right while stumpin' around the country last year, pork-barrel earmarks are pernicious little piggies. But the question is, are they the "Real House-swine of DC?"

While pork-barrel earmarks are often ugly and smelly, they're but barnyard nibblets compared to the putrid slop of mega-industry graft found in today's Congressional lobbying feed trough. Sweaty little squealing lobbyists with pokes full-o'-corporate cash scurry about the Hill looking for their next Senator on the take.
And the easily-turned hog is not hard to find. Our modern style-over-substance American way says "how much you spend on media" rather than "what you accomplish during your term in office" defines your next Super Tuesday ROI.
In other words, if you wanna get re-elected and keep your job in Congress you'd better come up with some rootin' around money. And there's no quicker way to fatten the campaign sow than wallowing in the mud with big business.

So on it goes, term after term our Congressmen kiss corporate ass in return for millions in campaign contributions. It's argued that giving constituents what they want is the hog's share of an elected delegate's job, and campaign slush is rationalized as merely part of a Congressman's due compensation. But the hoggish level of uber-lobby pork we've been force fed for decades has taken a despicable toll. Consider these examples:
• Millions died from cigarette smoking-related illnesses while the tobacco industry lined the pockets of good ol' boys who voted down years of anti-tobacco legislation.
• Greasy oil industry payola on the Hill has helped perpetuate the sacrifice of hundreds of thousands of war victims who have died in countries we don't give a damn about, except for the fact that they produce most of the world's oil.
• For decades automobile industry graft has lubed the gears of law-makers who continue to shamelessly deny that the cars we drive are making our planet uninhabitable.
• Arrogant, too-big-to-fail piggy-bankers wallow in taxpayer billions while they throw desperate families out of their homes and into the street. Congressmen, funded by big bank bucks, look the other way and call it "economic stimulus." How's that workin' out so far, huh?
• Greedy pharma giants and mega-insurance companies overdose congress with favors so they can continue their unfettered, gluttonous pursuit, deciding who lives and who dies.

All this talk about the other white meat has led to one observation: Money defines everything in Washington. That's not exactly an epiphany, but it's something that needs repeating occasionally. If you've got enough cash, you can buy anything and anybody. The barrel of rotting swine flesh pictured here smells pretty damned good in comparison to that statement.

There's no short-term solution, but here's a good start. Go to the Center for Responsive Politics web site www.opensecrets.org to find out who's buying whom, and for how much. Then let your conscience guide your next move.

Wake up, Porky, 'cause we're headed for the meat grinder.
Tha-a-ha, tha-a-ha, tha-a-ha, that's all folks!
-Aré